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Can't remember his name but I worked with this fella for six months and he talked all the time but I don't think he told the truth once, lies upon lies even about the most mundane stuff. Probably good I can't remember his name cause he probably made up the one he told us. The kind of bloke where if you found out he was another Sutcliffe or Huntley you wouldn't bat an eyelid.

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No real odd balls although some cock has just shot right to the top of the list.

 

I popped off on my lunch hour to have a bit of quiet time; picked up a cuppa and found a table with no one else sat there and thought I'd have a bit of peace with a book for a bit. There were 4 chairs, 2 on either side of the table, with plenty of other spare ones dotted about. Some mouth breather walked up and, instead of sitting at one of the many free tables, or even in one of the 2 seats opposite me, chose to sit right fucking next to me. He then proceeded to chomp on a bag of crisps as if they were made of bolts and screws and then just sat there quietly burping.

 

I've no idea who this twat is but he's fucking ruined my lunch hour and put me in a right foul mood.

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I managed a bloke at my old place who was as mad as a hatter. I actually felt sorry for him. Before i joined he was off with stress as he was a twin but the other brother went off and got married and he stayed and cared for the sickly mum and eventually she died and he had a breakdown.

 

Anyway the firm would contact him every couple of weeks to see how he was and then he stopped answering the phones or any letters and they feared the worse. So a bloke who lived near him they asked him to knock on the door on the way home and this bloke answered in a filthy pair of Y fronts and a ZZ top beard. The bloke said work was worried and he said it is ok i will be in tomorrow. And he can back the next day all shaved and acted like nothing had happened.

 

When i joined he was a fucking nightmare to manage. at one stage we had a load of backed up work and he offered to come in for few Saturdays on double bubble and we agreed. Anyway after the work was up to speed he came in again and i said we don't need it anymore. so he didn't talk to me for a month and then started coming in on Saturdays and working for free anyway.

 

The MD would ask him to do something and because he didn't like him he wouldn't do it on purpose. The MD was old school and in the end he called him in and had a it of a go at him. Wallop he was straight up to HR, cried and said the MD was bullying him and straight off again for a month with stress.

 

He has this really loud girly squeal when he laughed, he has these little tiny baby teeth and if he didn't like you that was it. Well in the end he found out i was from East London (as he was) and then he turned into acting like Reggie Kray and talking all tough like a gangster. i always remember if we had a drink he was say "chars" instead of cheers and another bloke i worked with at the time still says it now and i immediately think of the mad bloke.

 

Literally mad as a hatter but he knew what he was entitled too and these days there is more or less nothing you can do to get rid of people. He is still there now.

 

As I say after i left i saw him a few times and i actually felt sorry for him but when i was there he made my life difficult and was part of the reason i left and also that they struggled to replace me as everyone knew that that mad fucker came with the package.

 

*edit - he always had a Tesco bag as well Art - fuck knows what he had in it i was scared to look in case it was one of his mums dresses or a dead animal

Edited by E R

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There used to be this oddball in our office when I first started. She was called Erica and looked like Peter Griffin with a wig on. For lunch she'd just be sat there with a family sized pork pie, putting it away with ease, and it got to a point where she was just shoved in a desk in the corner and left to her own devices.

 

One day she was walking out the office, Sainsbury's bag for life in hand as seems to be fairly widespread with these weirdos, with a keyboard under her arm. My manager chased after her asking her why she was taking a keyboard home, reasonably thinking it was from our office, when she explained that it was one she'd brought in from home. She was off to her boyfriends (who must have been a brace soul) after work and he didn't like her using his so she had the take her own round if she wanted to use his computer.

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99% of our I.T department.

 

You can just tell they're chomping at the bit for children in need/comic relief/any fucking excuse to come around so they can all come in in fancy dress as super Mario or judge Dredd. These are blokes in their 40's plus, who spend all day on computers then go home & do ''gaming'' & going to sci-fi conventions.

 

They have ''wear a themed hat'' day, and wear caps with clapping hands on or other wacky ideas. I would put a flame thrower to them in a heartbeat.

Edited by i.k.s

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Nice to have a bit of life in this section :thumbsup_still:

 

Those liar types are a strange breed. I remember my sister, when she was about 10, had this friend who'd always lie about pointless trivial stuff and my mum would be wondering where she gets it from as her mum was really nice and normal. Then my mum got to know this kid's grandmother and she was exactly the same, just telling lies all the time. Not just to seem more interesting or make life easier or whatever but about really mundane things where the lie is no more interesting than the truth and it's utterly pointless yet still obviously not true.

 

I wonder what goes on in their heads, What's the point? Do they even realise they're doing it? Do they know that everyone knows they're lying? Maybe the fact other people know but don't say anything is what they enjoy. She must have been at least in her 60s, I wonder if she'd told lies as a child, like a lot of kids do, but then just kept going. For ever. Strange business.

 

I don't think that guy was called Barry. I just can't remember his name, it was something short a kind of Colin/Brian/ Barry type name but I'm fairly sure it wasn't Barry. Although I can't be 100%. Good friend of yours?

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We had an actuary accept a position and a few weeks ago we had our away day which is basically all the managers going through profits and plans for next year. After we had hired a restaurant and we invited this actuary along to get to know people before he started.

 

This **** turned up, got battered, fell over god knows how many times and spilled a glass of red down the owners son ha ha ha. He was due in the next day but rang in and rescheduled as he said his son was sick.

 

He has since started and talk about sheepish ha ha

 

Why would you do that? You can get drunk any evening. You would go, have one and then fuck off. I reckon he must be an alchy but he will fit in well because we have at least 2 functioning alcoholics in our office and I am talking pissed every day, the shakes, the lot

 

If I have a heavy one these days I cant look at a drink for a good few days and normally take the next week off it

Edited by E R

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99% of our I.T department.

 

You can just tell they're chomping at the bit for children in need/comic relief/any fucking excuse to come around so they can all come in in fancy dress as super Mario or judge Dredd. These are blokes in their 40's plus, who spend all day on computers then go home & do ''gaming'' & going to sci-fi conventions.

 

They have ''wear a themed hat'' day, and wear caps with clapping hands on or other wacky ideas. I would put a flame thrower to them in a heartbeat.

Loads of these types at my place. On our work intranet there's a Facebook type facility which is meant to be for work purposes but folk start discussions about all sorts. The most popular thread is about the geekiest thing you own and there's loads of fully grown men discussing their sword collections or action figures. It's beyond me.

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I don't think that guy was called Barry. I just can't remember his name, it was something short a kind of Colin/Brian/ Barry type name but I'm fairly sure it wasn't Barry. Although I can't be 100%. Good friend of yours?

Probably wasnt him but you almost described him to a tee. The bloke had a huge brain but social skills were a totally different matter. Everyone who worked with him had a story. Hed drink that vile coffee out of Vendpac machines by the gallon and would walk along with cup of it with the boiling hot coffee spilling on his hand without flinching. He was often known to chew two pence pieces and was once found measuring the stairs in the office. One one occasion two blokes were stood either side of an empty corridor chatting something over about work. Barry came along and came to a stop right between the two of them. Didnt utter a word, look at them or acknowledge them in any way. He simply stood there with his cup of coffee between them. After about five minutes he simply started walking again.

 

That said he was the go to guy if the computers didnt do what they were supposed to and everybody was at a loss what to do.

 

Nobody ever found out why he got a Christmas card from Tony & Cherie Blair every year.

Edited by leather

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I manage/supervise long term unemployed people who have to pretty much work for their dole for 12 months or lose it.

Some haven’t worked for 20 years or more, take any of the mad fuckers described in recent posts x by 20 and that’s my typical day. Been doing this job the last 18 months, at first it was novel and challenging, now it’s just fucking draining most times.

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Office parties - anyone bothering?

 

Ours is next Thursday. They always double it up as some sort of awards do so half the evening is spent watching the office arse-lickers going on stage to pick up some cheap trophy. I'll just be getting leathered on the free booze.

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I have gone through a bit of a change recently at work in that I realised that I cannot be bothered going out anymore and prefer being at home with my family. I have not turned into a monk and have the odd few pints at lunch but just cannot be bothered after 30 years of going out.

 

So in answer yes we have an office lunch next Thursday and close at half day but I will be slipping off about 5 and leaving all the youngsters to go somewhere and get fucked up.

 

It is strange because I always used to look at people like me and think I would never get fed up with going out on the tiles but it has happened with age after turning 46

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Did one here five years ago & it was fucking awful. More corporate than actually being at work. Thing is it's only the head honcho that want's it. I call him Frank Sinatra (My way). They had a questionnaire come round two years ago cos the numbers were down ''what format would people like?''

 

Swear about 75% of the bods I spoke to wanted a big dance floor, decent d.j, buffet & a few drinks vouchers, smart casual. Y'know, decent jeans. smart trainers, polo shirt or something.

 

But cos Frank is a little fucking Hitler cos he doesn't like the idea of that it's still the same do, all sit down meals & suits. Cliquey old affair too.

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Mine was on Friday. Couple of disgraceful scenes which I enjoyed witnessing. Glad it wasn't me.

 

Generally I can't be arsed with work nights out and do my best to avoid them.

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Ours is Friday. It's bloody miles out of the way though and being a public sector worker nothing is paid for. So it's £35 each for a shit 3-course meal surrounded by people who I don't really want to mix with, not to mention obscene drinks prices...couldnt get a pint for less than a fiver last year at the Crowne Plaza in town. As a result I'm not going.

 

Going to the dogs with the lads instead.

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Had to be involved in Secret Santa too. I was off when they drew the names out and nobody actually asked me if I wanted to be in it so someone got me. Waste of time again.

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I declined to go in the secret Santa. I have no idea what to get family, so trying to buy someone I haven't a clue about is beyond me. Work do a good christmas party, but it's not my thing. Similar to IKS it's smart clothes and a cliquey affair. Plus it's miles away, so having to wait for everyone to get ready and get on the bus back, or find someone else who wants to leave early and get a taxi back 20 odd miles isn't really on my radar.

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We've got Secret Santa. I took the easy route of asking the bloke I picked out what he wanted so I'll get him a crate of beer as requested. It's 'Christmas Jumper Day' tomorrow which I'm dreading. A load of 30 year old blokes in 'wacky' clothing doesn't float my boat at all.

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Four of us in our department,new manager last christmas - let's do Secret Santa. I ended up with my name,mixed names up again same thing happened,then work colleague got her name finally 3 of us had a different name only to realise that the 4th person who wasn't there must have their own name,boss went off in a huff we didn't do it - nearly pissed myself with laughter.

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Four of us in our department,new manager last christmas - let's do Secret Santa. I ended up with my name,mixed names up again same thing happened,then work colleague got her name finally 3 of us had a different name only to realise that the 4th person who wasn't there must have their own name,boss went off in a huff we didn't do it - nearly pissed myself with laughter.

Hahaha...absolute classic mate.

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Were lucky we havent got a big piss up thing going off. We tend to have a team lunch, but most of us commute out of London .

 

Good job really as London full of half cut twats this evening.

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I'm much too much of a cantankerous old fart to bother with attending a Christmas do that's attended by folk and their partners who I wouldn't give house room to .. When I was younger I felt under an obligation to attend these soirees but now I just think fuck it I'd rather stay at home with a fine bottle of Merlot ... :king_right:

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