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M favourite thing Russell the most unfunny comedian in the world Brand did was when he went on a march about empty properties and they said but don't you yourself own 2 house and a flat and your are single

Silly wanker

One of my favourite f1 stories is how after winning 3 world titles in a row, red bull are threatening to pull out of formula 1 because the Mercedes is too fast ha ha

They are demanding the f1 bosses figure out a way to penalise the Mercedes so they can start winning again lol

 

Ah yes. Russell. The 21st Cnetury's Che Guevara

 

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/disgruntled-rbs-worker-writes-hilarious-open-letter-to-russell-brand-after-anticapitalist-publicity-stunt-leaves-him-hungry-9930135.html

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Weird how all these cunts get popular yet the normal bloke on the street cannot stand the fuckers. I thought it was just me that disliked that Russel Brand bloke , same as that other Russel bloke the fat **** that tells fortunes , he was always on the telly at one time, who the fuck sets em on. Clarkson fucking shithead . OOOO look at me how extreme I can be . wankers at my place love him . That liverpudlian queer fucker {am I allowed to say that ?} Nancy Savage , His fucking voice makes me want to be sick. . Them bitches on loose women as well , what the fuck , who gives a fuck what they think spouting shit about shit. That cockney cow with the big teeth, ! what the fuck, who set her on. If she was mine I would deep throat her every night so she could not talk next day.

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Off out now for an all yer can eat fer twenty quid at that Brazilian place behind Brian Clough statue , anyone ever been , bit late now to ask I suppose..

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Off out now for an all yer can eat fer twenty quid at that Brazilian place behind Brian Clough statue , anyone ever been , bit late now to ask I suppose..

 

Fuck me gently , I've heard it all now , Lviv having a Brazilian !

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Fuck me gently , I've heard it all now , Lviv having a Brazilian !

It was my lads idea to give his mam a treat ,she was 61 last week {yeah I know I like em young} we were a bit early for our table the bloke says get a drink at the bar , I says pint of Carlin duck . He says you have come to the wrong place we only have Brazilian beer . give us a pint of that then duck. Grandaughter and my lad had cokes missus had a small glass of house white. Daughter inlaw had a fucking Daquiari {sp} I cant even say the bastard never mind drink one or know what one is. He adds it up Twenty quid and 5 pence . I scanned fer a price list the Pint of beer cost £4.20.. fuck knows how much daughter inlaws cost.. I thought yer right I have come ter the wrong place. I never moaned just grinned Missus bollocks me if I sqwauk about spending money.

 

we got shown our table and when our gel and her bloke came we had to get up and help yer sen to a load of snap at this big buffet style thing . then blokes come round with big skewers of meats and slice it off on to yer plate , It was alright but when I am out fer some snap I like to choose off a menu and have it come to table, It was different and very popular judging how many were being turned away who had not booked . verdict dear ale and raw meat.

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I;ve just clicked on me profile in me friends thingy I have two mates Boynsey who is a mate and some fucker called Bummer . I aint added him so how the fuck as that got there, I aint the kind of bloke to have a mate called Bummer,

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Americanisms in the ENGLISH language. And what the fuck is a duche bag?

 

TV: When you go through the listings. How many times is you've been fucking framed on!

 

The fact that the price of holidays when the kids are off school doubles in price. Robbing bastards.

 

Made in Chelsea WTF.

 

Fat birds in tight fitting clothes. 'because it's fashion'

 

Z list celebrities. Wannabees.

 

Over paid over rated footballers.

 

Roy Kean's two tone beard

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Hospital parking. Been sat here on double fucking yellows for half an hour for the THIRD time as Hawkeye the bastard keeps walking round the car park trying to give me a ticket and I'm playing cat and mouse with him. Don't they realise that hospitals are full of people struggling to walk, but there's loads of reserved places for office types and managers. None for nurses though. Well not here at Winchester. The parking is diabolical!

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Hospital parking. Been sat here on double fucking yellows for half an hour for the THIRD time as Hawkeye the bastard keeps walking round the car park trying to give me a ticket and I'm playing cat and mouse with him. Don't they realise that hospitals are full of people struggling to walk, but there's loads of reserved places for office types and managers. None for nurses though. Well not here at Winchester. The parking is diabolical!

My dad was in hospital for eight months after an anyurism and then a stroke. Me, my mum and my brothers went everyday in two cars and paid £5 each for parking. That was ten quid a day for seven months they made of us. It wasn't until the last month one of the nurses told us if your there for a long stay you can have a weekly pass for a fiver. Took it home put a bit of paper over the number plate bit and photocopied it so for the last month we paid £5 for two cars to go there eveyday.

 

The traffic wardens around the hospital are the biggest bunch of tossers. One day we got told to rush in because things had took a bad turn. Parked up and just jumped out to run in when a warden said "expect a ticket" I said "do what you want you prick" ten minutes later police come and I'm arrested for calling him a prick and my car has a ticket on.

 

To park in a council run car park in town is £1 an hour, at a council run hospital its minimum £3 and then goes up a pound an hour after the first hour. Scandalous, they know people are going to visit family and milk them for what they can.

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I don't know if it was the QMC you're talking about or not, but if so, it's a private company that does the parking tickets, therefore they don't need paying, the tickets aren't enforceable. They are a bunch of cunts, fact!

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I don't know if it was the QMC you're talking about or not, but if so, it's a private company that does the parking tickets, therefore they don't need paying, the tickets aren't enforceable. They are a bunch of cunts, fact!

 

This is true of a lot of places. I got a ticket outside Highfields a couple of years ago, I was parked somewhere with no double yellows yet got ticketed by some ****. I kept getting letters through the post saying they were going to fuck me up, told 'em to bollocks. It turns out that you don't have to pay the tickets, they'll persist for a few months sending you threatening letters, just bin 'em and they'll give up in the end. Just make sure you don't get clamped, if that happens you're fucked.

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Clamping a car is a criminal offence unless done by somebody with lawful authority (police, DVLA, court appointed bailiff, etc).

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That guy on the money supermarket advert in the jean shorts and high heels

 

I would run over his head repeatedly

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This is true of a lot of places. I got a ticket outside Highfields a couple of years ago, I was parked somewhere with no double yellows yet got ticketed by some ****. I kept getting letters through the post saying they were going to fuck me up, told 'em to bollocks. It turns out that you don't have to pay the tickets, they'll persist for a few months sending you threatening letters, just bin 'em and they'll give up in the end. Just make sure you don't get clamped, if that happens you're fucked.

So if ncp put a ticket on my car I can just not pay?

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Clamping a car is a criminal offence unless done by somebody with lawful authority (police, DVLA, court appointed bailiff, etc).

Some bloke did a thing on court appointed bailiffs a few years ago. Apparently there's soemthing of a con going on in that not everyone who works for the firm is properly sanctioned, so a number of them don't actually have the powers. Problem is its a bit of hair splitting exercise because you can't tell just by looking at them.

 

I saw something similar once with unmanned speed cameras. The argument went that under common law for a crime to have been committed a physical person someone has to have been harmed or offended and made the complaint. As it's not a person a speed camera can do no such thing.

 

I must look that one up again at some point.

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So if ncp put a ticket on my car I can just not pay?

 

I'm pretty sure mine was NCP. If you get a ticket just google it, there's loads of advice on the web. I wrote back and obviously had me phone number on the letter as they kept ringing me after that and sending me threatening letters telling me my credit score would be fucked, I'd have a CCJ and all that bollocks. None of it is true! Once I realised they were just a bunch of scoundrels I kept telling 'em to fuck off which probably made them carry it on a bit longer but they gave up in the end.

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That guy on the money supermarket advert in the jean shorts and high heels

 

I would run over his head repeatedly

 

That is the most annoying advert since 'webuyanycar.com'. Fucking terrible.

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Forgive my ignorance but what the fuck is a soft copy? Does he mean an email?

 

Apparently so. I'd never heard the phrase uttered before either. I've never felt such contempt for a colleague before. He dresses as if he's a country gent, all tweed and elbow patches. He's a fucking cretin. Soft copy?! What a nobhead.

 

Hairdressers piss me off too. Luckily our lass is one so I don't have to suffer them much now. I remember a few years ago I nipped into a place in town for a quick trim. Never been in before, didn't know anyone in there, just wanted a hair cut. This floppy fringed **** was banging on about what 'style' I wanted and generally poncing about. He went on and on and on about his girlfriend, about how gorgeous she apparently was. About halfway through my hair cut this girl came in and gave this bloke a cob and a bottle of pop and had a quick chat. It transpired that she was his girlfriend and he was asking me 'isn't she gorgeous?' etc and I wanted to tell him bluntly that no, she was a fucking howler. Why people you've never met feel the need to babble on to you about utter shite baffles me. Same thing with waiting staff. We were having a bit of lunch on Saturday and when I was paying the bill the waiter was asking 'oooh, you off anywhere nice afterwards?' What the fuck does it have to do with you? I know that makes me sound like a right grumpy ****, and I am, but it's the disingenuousness which riles me. He couldn't give two fucks what I am doing later, and nor should he, so why ask?

Edited by Danny

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I have had a couple of days off and yesterday got the hump with a waitress in Toby carvery

 

We took the kids out on their go karts and they was peddling about for a good 2 hours. There is a carvery near and it was empty so we stopped on the spur. Now my kids are only little so what we do is get 2 king size plates and just share it out. It was a waitress in there who told us to do it and we do it all the time. It is actually an option in the Toby menu

 

I sat down explained to the waitress (50 year old English women) that was what we wanted to do and could we have 3 small plates. It is my food - if I ate a mouthful and empty and cup off piss over it what I leave is only going in the bin anyway

 

She went they can't take them plates up. I explained again and she was "so the kids eat free". No I am paying for my food and giving some to my kids. I also showed her it was in the menu. She honestly have a dirty look and walked off. We got the food and no plates. I asked for them again and she huffed and went off and got them.

 

I swear we eat there quite a bit and It comes to 23 quid and I always always give the 7 quid as a tip

 

We have the food and I ask for the bill and the **** has a new lease of life - smiling. If you want to add gratuity sir

 

I went "no not after your attitude earlier. I would rather set fire to the money"

 

She glared and went "whatever" and snatched the money up. I said "that is what kids say love not bad waitresses in their 50's on minimum wage"

 

Bitch. In front of my kids as well. Anyway what I was getting at - 99 percent or British waiting staff are fucking terrible

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There was this right sour-faced old cow who worked at the Morrison's near us. Every time we'd go through her till she wouldn't utter a word to us and would just sit there without telling us how much our shopping had come to. It's not a big deal but seeing as it forms an integral part of her job I found it downright rude. It used to agitate me beyond belief and it got to the point where I'd purposely target her till to see if one day she might suddenly spark into life. After a few occasions I decided that the next time I would just hand her a load of lose change to force the miserable bag to prise open her gums and actually do her fucking job. The next time I went through her till the same thing as usual happened, absolute silence, so I handed her about 23p and just waited. After looking completely dumbstruck she eventually uttered 'it's £64' or whatever it came it to. I was so elated I felt like running about like Marco Tardelli. Looking back I don't know why it got to me so much. We shop at the Tesco now and, so far, no problems.

Edited by Danny

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My missus has me all the time about my apparent 'cold, awkwardness' when we're around strangers. I just tell her that I have no desire whatsoever to engage people I don't know in meaningless small talk. Think it's more a bloke thing as women can't stand silence and just seem to feel the need to fill it with inane bollocks just so that it's not 'awkward'.

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I can't stand blokes that take their wife's maiden name to create a double barreled surname when they get married. Tossers.

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Right - I drove back to Devon today to sort out some shit for my Mum, bills etc..

 

Fucking BT are charging her £57 a month for internet and a phone line. I caleld them and explained that I thought it was a bit pricey and asked what they could do with the price (widow, OAP, low internet usage etc)... The first slag said she could only give an 80p a month discount. When I snorted and said I'll leave as we're not under contract, she said actually you are under contract, you've just signed up for a years contract at £57 a month. i replied that my mother hasn't spoken to anyone from BT so i asked her to check. She was fucking unbearably smug and noted that it was extended a week ago and therefore we have to pay £57.

 

I then replied that we have a 14 day cooling off period and I'll cancel the contract now.

 

Then after much arse licking and fawning she admitted it was a large amount and the manager called me back who was ace. The same deal is now £34 a month. the manager had to manually input everything and she has been great.

 

Oh - a moaning thing... Cunts who drive slowly in the outside lane on the A303. Twats. I wanted to overtake them but they stayed in the outside lane for 3 miles driving at 70mph.

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